The Ripple Effects of Loss

The Ripple Effects of Loss

By Bob Branch

“Quite naturally we grieve over the loss of anything important.”
—Granger E. Westberg, Good Grief [1]

“…grief on top of grief.” —Philippians 2:27 NET

Loss is complicated. Grief specialist Claire Bidwell Smith notes, “The ripple effect of loss is felt in many ways.” She describes a key loss as “the primary event, like a pebble in a pond setting in motion subsequent losses that occur as a result, and sometimes creating the sense that we are losing everything.” [2] Losing your pastor can set those ripples in motion.

These are called secondary losses—other losses that follow in the wake of the initial loss. After Jesus died, his disciples thought it was over. Their hope seemed to have died along with him. Their sense of purpose and identity were shaken. They felt unsafe, meeting behind locked doors for fear of the authorities (John 20:19, 26). Their core faith was rocked. In Scripture, loss rarely travels alone.

When a pastor fails, you have not simply lost a Sunday morning teacher. Many other losses ripple outward from his sudden departure. Bidwell Smith continues, “Being conscious of these secondary losses allows us the opportunity to identify them and to grieve for them.” [2]

The loss of your pastor can affect—

• Trust and safety. You trusted your pastor to care for your spiritual wellbeing and that of the community. You counted on him to be honest and to help you recognize what was true. “How did I miss this? Who can I trust now? Was it all a lie?”
• Relationship and personal care. He was your shepherd, confidant, mentor, and friend. He knew your story and accepted you. You felt seen by him. He walked through crisis moments with you. “Who will be there now?”
• Community and belonging. Your community is now fractured. People are taking sides. Some have left. The church family you counted on no longer feels like home. “Will I ever feel that sense of family again?”
• Spiritual confidence. You trusted his teaching. You believed he was honest, honorable, and a man of God. You thought his leadership, teaching, and way of life were consistent. Now you wonder what to believe. “Was any of it real? Where was God? Where IS God?”
• Identity and shared story. You felt connected to this community and found part of your identity in its story. Meaningful memories have now become complicated, perhaps even tainted. “What does this mean for the church I helped build?”
• Hope, purpose, and an imagined future. You shared dreams, ministry plans, and a picture of what life together would become. “Where has all that gone? Do we still have a purpose that matters?”
• Stability and familiar rhythms. You counted on Sundays being a safe haven in the storms of life. Familiar traditions brought comfort. The leaders helped you feel settled. Now, many things feel different and emotionally difficult. “Do I need to leave and go somewhere else?”
• Ministry opportunities and practical resources. You served here. You gave here. You ministered to others here, and others ministered to you. So much of what happened here brought meaning to your life. Now you wonder how much of it will remain. “Did any of my serving and giving make a difference?”

Your pastor’s failure may also awaken earlier losses you thought you had already dealt with. The death of a loved one, a divorce, the loss of a job, or a family split may bubble to the surface. These are earlier losses being stirred again, and they may need attention alongside what is happening now.

This is not an exhaustive list, but it may help you begin thinking, praying, and processing. Do not be surprised if the loss reaches into parts of your life you did not expect. Those losses matter, too.

For Reflection

What secondary losses have followed the loss of your pastor?

How has his absence affected your world?

Write it in a journal and add to it as more thoughts or feelings rise up.

“Have mercy on me, LORD, for I am in distress. Tears blur my eyes. My body and soul are withering away. I am dying from grief; my years are shortened by sadness.” Psalm 31:9-10 NLT

 

By Bob Branch, Executive Director & Co-Founder of After The Fall, a ministry that comes alongside churches in crisis after their pastor’s moral failure.

[1] Granger E. Westberg, Good Grief, 2011 edition, p. 11, as reproduced by Faithlife/Logos.

[2] Claire Bidwell Smith, Conscious Grieving: A Transformative Approach to Healing from Loss, p. 85.